so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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