i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its liver damage thursday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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