i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
