why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
