I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
