you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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