it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
