I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
