Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
