oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
