This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
