took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
