Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
