Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
