the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
