Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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