and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
