walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
