my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
