And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
