meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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