meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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