Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
