Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
