I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
