we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize