Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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