Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
