Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
