After last night, I could never be a politician.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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