turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
