I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
