happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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