You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
