You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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