Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
