she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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