I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
