oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
