it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
