it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found the puke drawer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
