you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
