i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
