I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
