so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
