Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize