i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
