btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
