In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
