I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
nutella sex= disaster
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize