and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
