then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
