I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A bitchslap is in order.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
