the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
