I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
