I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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