Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
