I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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