Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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