There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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