What a fucking waste of an outfit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
