I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
