He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize