Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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