I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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