break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
