I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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